What if "The Lord of the Rings"had been written by William Faulkner

Catch of the Ring-22 by Joseph Heller (much borrowed)

by flyawaydreamer

It was love at first sight.

The first time Frodo saw the ring, he fell madly in love with it.

Frodo had been left the ring by his Uncle Bilbo who was just short of crazy. The Hobbits of Hobbiton couldn't quite figure it out. If he had been crazy, they would have known what to do. If he had been not-crazy, they could ignore him. But this being just short of crazy all the time confused them.

.....

"Take the Ring, Gandalf. I don't want to carry it," pleaded Frodo.

The wizard Gandalf was Frodo's friend and would do just about nothing in his power to help him. "I'm afraid I can't do that, my boy," said the wizard.

"Well why not? I'm obviously not fit to carry it," Frodo insisted. Strider walked by, glanced to his left, then his right, then jumped through a window behind a bush. Frodo shook his head and turned his attention back to Gandalf. "Elrond keeps making the journey longer. When we first got here to Rivendell, he said I'd have to carry it as far as the Woods of Lothlorien. Now I'm supposed to carry it to Mordor and all the way up Mount Doom!"

"You're wasting your time," Gandalf was forced to tell him.

"Can't you take it away from someone's who's crazy?"

"Oh, sure. I have to. The ring can't be in the hands of someone who's crazy."

"Well, then. Take it away from me. I'm crazy. Ask Sam. He'll tell you I'm crazy. I'll go get him and he can tell you."

"You're not crazy."

"Yes, I am. Ask any of the others. They'll tell you how crazy I am."

"All of them are crazy."

"Then why don't you keep them from going to Mordor?"

"Because they didn't ask," replied Gandalf.

"So all they'd have to do to not go on this mission to Mordor is ask?"

"Right."

"So why don't they ask?"

"Because they're all crazy."

"So if someone asks to be grounded because they're crazy, you ground them?"

"Not exactly."

"You mean there's a catch?"

"Sure there's a catch," said Gandalf. "Catch of the Ring-22. Anyone who doesn't want to go to Mordor isn't really crazy."