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Gollum come sneekin down th cliff an I jump him. He bite my sholder an grap my neck, so I hit him with my forhead but he dint leggo. Master Frodo saves my ass when he pulls Gollums hair an put Stinger underneeth his neck.
"Leggo Gollum!" he say "This is Stinger an you gonna feel it if you dont leggo!"
Gollum leggo my neck an fall down an start to cry an wimper an shit.
I say "Well, Mr. Frodo. What we gonna do with him? Tie him up?"
An he say to me "No, Sam. If we kill him, we gota kill him outrite. But we cant do that, not as thingsar. Poor retch! He done us no harm."
Master Frodo always had this way of splainin thangs so's I coud unnerstan them. I never worried none, jus say 'yes, Master Frodo.'
"Yes, Master Frodo."
***much later...***
Gollum brung us conees, so I skint and cleened them. I rubbed th coneys with erbs an stuff, an Gollum wunnerd what th fuck I waz doin, but I dint give a shit. I waved my nife at him an made him get watter in th pans so I coud cook them conees. Wen he brung the watter back an seen what I done, he hiss an spit jus like a ol snake.
"Hiss an spit!" he say to me an call me silly an foolish.
"Foolish is as foolish does" I say an start to cook them conees. "Get me some fucken taters" I tell him an he hiss an spit some more. He probly tell me "go fuck yerself" tho he dont say it out loud, so I tell him "Fuck it. Go to sleep."