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The neatly painted sign outside had been retouched to
read simply: Frodo Baggins, Attorney at Law. The practice
was now entirely his, since Bilbo had retired. Up to
now, Baggins and Baggins had done a brisk business in
the civil sector, but most of it was minor league; the
occasional dispute over property lines in the Shire,
or a lawsuit would erupt over something as trivial as
the price fixing of pipeweed, and that would land Frodo's
name in the paper. Up to now, that was all the publicity
he wanted. But since Uncle Bilbo had gone off to who
knows where, and left him that troublesome ring, Frodo
Baggins, Attorney at Law found himself embroiled in
one of the most hotly contested property disputes seen
to date in Middle Earth.
Bilbo's original posession of the Ring was fairly rock
solid. He'd managed to wrangle it from the firm of Smeagol
and Gollum, and then left it to Frodo when he left the
Shire. Frodo was even positive Bilbo had signed an affidavit
attesting to his rightful ownership of the Ring, but
hadn't gotten around to digging it up yet.
Problem was, he was too busy with matters concerning
the Ring itself to go and look for the important piece
of parchment. Word had gotten out about the Ring's ownership
and someone altogether new and powerful had stepped
forward to claim it. His name was Sauron, and he was
the worst kind of evil: he was a corporate executive.
Sauron was either CEO or on the boards of several powerful
conglomerates, including Nazgultech, and AOL/Time Warner,
and he was not someone to be trifled with. If he wanted
something, he'd get it, and he had the cash to burn
if he wanted it. This was, after all, the same Sauron
who'd snagged the timber rights to Fangorn out from
under the local shephards who lived there. The shepherds
had fought back, but their power was limited to a few
idealistic environmental lawyers with no real experience
and even less clout. Souron, however, had some big guns
in his arsenal, not the least of which was Balrog and
Associates, who'd taken down Senator Gandalf in a barrage
of subpoeneas and sub-committee hearings during the
Moria Scandal. Rumor even had it that Minority Leader
Saruman was at Sauron's beck and call when he wanted
some dirty work done, and didn't want the inconvenience
of having to wash his own hands.
In the face of such odds, Frodo felt almost alone. He
once had powerful allies. The firm of Aragorn, Legolas
and Gimli had entered the fray, but after a few ugly
hearings and nastily issued motions, Frodo had felt
guilty about the damage they were taking on and decided
not to retain them. They were off doing their own business
now and Frodo hadn't heard from them in months.
Frodo thought back to his days as a fresh, young Law
School Graduate, and Gandalf was a second-term senator.
They'd been close friends, and had shared the occasional
brandy and cigar together over at the Pony Club. That
was when the Senator first learned of the Ring, and
urged Frodo to get it into a safe deposit box before
the injunctions could be filed. He'd done so just in
time, and since then, he'd barely had time to think.
Frodo looked wistfully at Sam Gamgee, the only junior
partner in the firm. Sam was a promising defense attorney,
but didn't show a whole lot of talent for much else.
For a lawyer, Sam was just too honest, and would likely
end up somewhere other than the firm; probably his own
public practice working the loopholes for illegal ale
brewers and the like.
Sam perked up when Frodo looked at him, "We got some
mail today Mr. Frodo, I thought you should have a look
at this."
"Let me see it, Sam", Frodo said, dreading what he knew
would be among those envelopes.
It was in the third one back.
"What is it, Mr. Frodo?" Sam inquired.
"Another motion", Frodo groaned, "This one from the
offices of Smeagol and Gollum. They want to suppress
any claims to ownership of 'The Precious' as he calls
it. What is with those guys?"
Frodo had limited dealings with the Law Offices of Smeagol
and Gollum. They were an eclectic pair. Frodo had never
seen them together in public, though he'd talked with
both of them on the phone once or twice. Gollum was
the bad cop; hostile, abrupt, always looking for the
hidden angle in a case. Smeagol on the other hand could
be downright cooperative at times. More than once he'd
worked out an under-the-table deal over a sushi dinner
with Smeagol.
Frodo got on the phone and called Smeagol directly,
he got Gollum instead.
"We wants it."
"What?", Frodo asked in mock ignorance.
"Don't insults us, we knows Bagginses has it. We knows
Sauron wants the Precious. We don't wants Sauron to
haves it." Gollum growled.
A light went on in Frodo's head; this was news. He knew
word had gotten out that Souron intended to take the
Ring, but he didn't know Smeagol and Gollum would try
to prevent him from getting it. This could prove useful.
"Let me talk to Smeagol", Frodo said.
"He golfses, wont's be back until after martinises at
Dead Marshes Country Club."
"What's his mobile number?" Frodo asked, growing impatient.
"Phone's turned off. Doesn't answers it when he golfses."
"That's fine," Frodo snapped, "I'll tell you what, since
I have a membership, I'll just go over there and talk
to Smeagol myself. Maybe you should call him and let
him know I'm coming." Frodo slammed the phone down on
a wailing Gollum and grabbed his car keys.
"Mr. Frodo?" Sam inquired.
"Come on, Sam, I may need you. We got to go over to
Dead Marshes Country Club."
"Ugh,"Sam said, "I don't like playing there. That place
is a swamp."
"Yeah, but I'm afraid we'll have to. I've got a proposal
for Smeagol, and if he cooperates, we just might get
through this Ring business."
Sam grabbed his clubs and his golf shoes...