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A is for Arwen who tripped on her hair
B is for Boromir, fed to a bear
C is for Celelborn who choked on a wire
D is for Denethor burnt on a pyre
E is for Elrond who negated his life
F is for Faramir pick-axed by his wife
G is for Gwaihir who bird-struck a plane
H is for Haldir who drowned in the rain
I is for Isildur who bloated from beer
J is for Jesus who shouldn't be here
K is for Klingon, which is the wrong series
L is for Legolas, consumed by the drearies
M is for Merry whose head plugged a drain
N is for the Noldor smashed flat by a train
O is for Odo, "that gun's really loaded!"
P is for Pippin whose stomach exploded
Q is for Quickbeam whose head caught on fire
R is for Rumil trampled under a choir
S is for Smeagol who neglected his meds
T is for Theoden ripped into shreds
U is for Ugluk who crushed in his face
V is for Valinor (which is actually a place)
W is for Wormtongue strangled by thong
X is for Xena who is equally wrong
Y is for Yoda who got lost in Sears
Z is for...crap I'm so out of idears