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Gandalf arrived, now with a striking, handsome, mulleted
man. "This is David Kintobor. He's the new ring bearer,
because he's absolutely perfect."
Immediately, Galadriel, Eowyn, and Arwen rushed up to
hug, fondle, kiss, and otherwise flirt with David. "Oh
Davey-kins! You're such a wonderful specimen of man,
how could we ever love anyone else?"
"Sacre bleu cheese!" exclaimed Legolas.
"Oh phrack," said Aragorn.