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Legolas rides on horseback on his way to Rivendell to
attend the Secret Council of Elrond. The Elf arrives
at his destination, dismounts and takes in the scenery
of Rivendell. He is so distracted by the beauty of it
all that he accidentally collides into Aragorn.
LEGOLAS: Excuse me.
ARAGORN: How dare you? Do you think merely saying, “Excuse
me,” is sufficient? Your manners are very bad.
LEGOLAS: I hardly think you are the one to be telling
me about bad manners.
ARAGORN: Fine. Let us meet at noon in the main courtyard
of Rivendell and settle this matter.
LEGOLAS: See you then.
Legolas continues on his way. Ahead of him is Boromir
who has also just arrived at Rivendell to attend the
Secret Council of Elrond. Boromir dismounts from his
horse and takes in the beauty of the scenery. Suddenly
a strong wind blows Boromir’s cape which envelopes Legolas
in its folds.
BOROMIR: What the --! What on earth on you doing?
LEGOLAS (still covered in the cape): Excuse, me, but
your cape –
Boromir pulls his cape off of Legolas and glares at
the Elf.
BOROMIR: How dare you? I’ll teach you a lesson about
treating the Son of Gondor this way! Meet me at one
o’clock in the main courtyard of Rivendell!
LEGOLAS: Fine. See you then.
Legolas continues on his way. Ahead of him is Gimli
the Dwarf who has just arrived at Rivendell to attend
the Secret Council of Elrond. Legolas does not notice
the Dwarf because he is busy thinking of his meetings
at noon and one o’clock, plus Gimli is short and out
of his line of vision. Legolas accidentally trips over
Gimli.
GIMLI: Blasted Elf! How dare you! You need a proper
lesson in showing respect for Dwarfs! Meet me at two
o’clock in the main courtyard of Rivendell!
LEGOLAS: Very well. See you then.
Scene: Noon at the main courtyard of Rivendell. Legolas
arrives and is surprised to see Aragorn, Boromir and
Gimli standing there together.
ARAGORN: Here is the gentleman I am going to fight.
BOROMIR: What? But he’s the one I’m going to fight!
LEGOLAS: But not before one o’clock.
GIMLI: And he’s the one I’m also going to fight!
LEGOLAS: Not until two o’clock. Shall we? On guard!
Legolas draws his bow and arrow and points it at Aragorn.
ARAGORN: An arrow against my sword? Not what I had in
mind, but very well.
Just then Lord Elrond appears with a group of his mightiest
Elves.
ELROND: What is the meaning of all this? Stop immediately!
ARAGORN: With all due respect, Lord Elrond, this matter
does not concern you.
ELROND: I beg to differ! You have all been summoned
here for something much more important than whatever
petty quarrels you may have between you! Now stand down
and come with me immediately! All of you!
Legolas lowers his bow and arrow.
ARAGORN (half-aloud to Boromir and Gimli): Shall we
defy Lord Elrond? It is five against three.
LEGOLAS: Right behind you, Lord Elrond.
The Elf turns to look at Aragorn, Boromir and Gimli.
He smirks ever so slightly.
ARAGORN (thinking to himself): Blasted Elf!
BOROMIR (thinking to himself): Blasted Elf!
GIMLI (thinking to himself): Blasted Elf!
[*Snicker* Yeah, it’s not what D’Artagnan would have
done, but I wrote this just for a lark.]