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woke up at around three o clock that day, hearin some
damn strange noise. it was someone knocking on my door,
damn i hadnt heard that for a long time now, all those
creepy guys who call themselfs relatives and run around
in my damn cave drinking my alcohol, fucking in my rooms
and eating my food dont use to knock when coming in
looked around in the room and tried not to think about
cleaning up, thought of something to eat, then vomited
on the floor
damn ale, damn pipe weed
a little time later I finally thought of opening that
fucking door, my head seemed to explode because of that
damn knocking
stood up, opened the door, saw gandalf, a pimp i had
met in a dirty bar called "dragons cave"
he's quite funny, thinks he is a damn wizard, or something
he started talking about some ring he wanted to see
that damn bum had run out of money i thought, but i
let him in. i somehow like him and his crazyness
he started looking for a ring in my cave
thought it could last for hours and decided to take
a drink
found some whisky in a slimy bottle and took a sip or
two
in the meantime gandalf had woke up bilbo, my damn uncle.
at least he pretends to be that.
he started helping gandalf searching for that fucking
ring.
began to be interrested in that ring. asked gandalf,
who said that gollum, that poor old junkie, had given
it to me.
thought about gollum. he looks awfull, lost most of
his skin in an accident, never asked what exactly had
happened
started thinking of something to eat for a second time
that day as gandalf suddenly began to scream, way to
loud if you asked me.
he had found that damn ring and shouted somethink like:
" just as i expected, its that ring"
asked him what ring, he answered it would be saurons
ring
didnt want to know who sauron was, took the ring, threw
gandalf out and went to bed again
felt as if I was 111 years old, but then thought of
my so called uncle who doesnt just feel but even looks
like being 111 years old, which made me feel a bit better
awoke later that day, didnt want to stay, went out to
a bar
a guy who called himself aragorn came to me and said
gandalf had sent him and he would be sorry for not coming
himself
I said I didnt want to date gandalf or any of his friends,
but he didnt piss off
went home again still being followed by that maniac,
who had started talking about that ring, about ring
ghosts and a damn brothel called "elronds house" .
hadnt met any hobbit slut who was ready to fuck me that
day and I somehow was interrested in that brothel, so
i decided to ask aragorn to take me there instead of
finishing my way home.
as we got there damn elrond seemed to await us already
didnt want to know why
gandalf was there too. I was certainly pissed off as
they started talking about that ring too, told him i
just wanted to fuck some pussy, but he replied that
I had some kind of mission and i had to reach the steel
plant "orodruin" in mordor street and that he would
send some fellas with me
suddenly 6 guys appeared in the lounge. i examined them
fastly while they were presenting themselves.
there was a fat guy who called himself sam and grinned
all the time as if he was a complete moron.
and too guys called merry and pippin, who looked pretty
similar to each other. stupid names i thought.
a blonde guy called legolas. seemed damn gay to me.
a bearded dwarf called gimli. i liked him.
a tall man called boromir. liked him too.
i had been drinking constantly all the time, so decided
to do what elrond had said, although i still was sober
enough to consider all this extremely crazy
so we went our way to mordor street
went in the first bar we passed by on our way. the others
followed me. met balrog, whom i owed some money i still
didnt have. he tried to hit me with a telephone receiver
(stupid balrog) after a short argue, but good old gandalf
helped me. he killed balrog with a knife, blood was
all around in that damn bar.
we decided to leave the bar.
suddenly felt very tired. gave boromir that fucking
ring and went home. at home i found a fat old hobbit
whore in my bed. maybe bilbo had brought her to the
cave
the problem was that the whore was dead. looked like
an overdose, or something
brought her out of the cave and laid her on the street.
as i did so i recongnized that it was 10:00 am and a
thunderstorm was coming up.
went in and fell asleep.