Home | Literature Index | Movies & Broadway Index | Television Index | Music Index | Miscellaneous Index | Submit Your Own
"er Sauron...'
"Yes, Snaga?"
"Just had a sot of report thingy from Gorbag"
"Oh Dear"
High up in the towers of Baradur, the Great Eye stared
out into the withered expanses of Mordor with mild irritation.
From where he reclined he could see the vast panorama
of cracked and pitted land, strewn with the bodies of
Orcs. This was the view which had had stared out at
for years. Hundreds of years, thousands maybe, perhaps
even millions. Jolly impressive anyway. He peered into
the distance looking for something. He did this every
few minutes or so, but he never found what he was looking
for, He didn't let it worry him though. He wasn't panicking.
As far as he was concerned everything was going splendidly.
He dabbed at himself with a large frothy sponge. It
crept back into his mind that he was feeling mildly
irritated about something. Now what was that all about?
...
Frodo and Sam trudged onwards up Baradur's apparently
endless corridors. Gorbag marched behind them barking
the occasional order about not trying any funny stuff.
Finally they reached a large iron door with an outsised
and slightly singed spy hole. They entered. To Frodo
and Sam this was exactly what the lair of a force of
disembodied evil should look like, but the thing that
really caught them off balance was the bath; an intestinal
jumble of plumbing had been picked out in orc skin rather
than thrown decently at midnight into the cracks of
doom; the taps and shower attachment would have made
a balrog jump. Gorbag approached it. "Sauron. sir!"
he shouted through clenched fangs. A large genial and
foam covered eyeball popped up above the rim of the
monstrous bath.
"Ah, hello Gorbag", said Sauron waving a cheery sponge,
"having a nice day?"
"I have bought you the prisoners I located in Cirith
Ungol my lord!" yapped Gorbag.
Frodo and Sam coughed in confusion
"Er... hello", they said.
Sauron beamed at them. "excuse my not getting up, just
having a quick bath".