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The HITCHIKERS GUIDE TO MIDDLE EARTH is a wholly remarkable book. It has this to say about the disappearance of the elves: "Scholars have long disagreed on the exact reason why the elves eventually disappeared from Middle Earth altogether. The official reason, of course, is that the Elves were called away, sailing over the ocean in grey ships and now living in a magical land of peace, harmony and rest. Scholars reject this notion, and speculate instead that they must have died for some reason. Various theories have been put forward concerning what might have killed them -- a plague, some have suggested, or food poisioning, other's reasoned, or perhaps a dirty lute. No theory, however, has been as successful as the one forwarded by Ooquag Benderbroont. "The Elves, Benderbroont claimed, were magical, mysterious, poetic, lyrical, monogamous, and immortal. The first four qualities were annoying, he continued, and were the main reasons why they were never invited to any of the big parties. But it is the last two qualities, he contends, that really did them in. "Monogamy and immortality, he continues, is a deadly combination. He writes:
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Men are also monogamous, but their lifespan is short -- most remain married for sixty years and die happily. Elves, as it turns out, can also remain happily for about sixty years, but that's about the extent of it.
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"Benderbroont didn't stop there. He further contended that much of the strife in Middle Earth can be traced directly to the result of elven marital strife. The quest for the Silmaril, for example, was the result of a particularly nasty mid-life crisis suffered by Feanor. Even the war of the One Ring, he claimed, was a result of the elves just trying to get out of the house..."