He Didn't Have a Chance
by Rue DeDay
Once upon a time there was an old man. His name was Gepetto,
but everyone called him Gerry. He was a toymaker.
He loved to have his store full of children. Not just because
that meant he was selling a lot of toys. He liked kids. He wished he could
have a kid of his own.
Gerry carved a boy out of wood. Then he waited. Pretty
soon a fairy would come and turn his wooden boy into a real boy. That's how
it worked. Wasn't it? He'd wait.
Late that night, around about midnight, a fairy came to
Gerry's workshop. She stopped in front of Gerry. She was beautiful. Just
a little lady, all in blue, with these little wings. And she glowed. Everyone
knows all real fairies glow. It's what fairies are known for. Glowing. And
magic.
"Are you here to turn my wooden boy into a real boy?" Gerry
asked.
"No," said the blue Fairy.
"No? But I carved him out of wood and here you are. With
your magic, you could make him real."
"That's not how it works. Here, have a pamphlet." It was
They Don't Come From The Cabbage Patch. It had a lot of little words
and pictures.
Gerry read the pamphlet, and had an epiphany. He started
hitting on the women bringing in the kids. Most of these were their mothers
and Gerry got slapped a lot. Some of the women were the nannies. Some gave
Gerry hard looks. Some giggled and left. A few stopped to chat with Gerry.
A couple actually went on dates with Gerry. One woman even married the toymaker.
He still couldn't have children. Gerry was kicked in the
crotch by a mule as a child. He didn't have a chance.
Posted 8/13/01