Wolf, Party of Three
by Rue DeDay
Story the First
Once upon a time there was a young man. He was wooing a
comely maiden. One day he took his fairest love to dinner and the movies.
Some over-blown, self-indulgent Kevin Costner crap-fest. It did nothing for
his date. She wouldn't put out that night. The young man was sad. When he
figured how much cash he dropped on the whole fiasco, it made him cry. He
was The Boy Who Cried Over Dances With Wolves.
The Second Story
Once, deep in the dark woods, there lived a wolf. This
was a bad-assed wolf. Not the nice wolves you meet everyday. He had a little
bitty tonker, and he over-compensated. He was mean. Anyone he met in the
forest, he'd eat. He was a mean son of a bitch. (You can say this about the
wolf, right in front of children, because his mother was, in fact, a bitch.)
One day he met a stalwart hedgehog.
"I'm going to eat you" said the mean wolf.
"I don't think so" said the hedgehog.
"Yeah, I think I will" replied the wolf.
"Let's see ya try, doo-doo head." The hedgehog was stalwart,
but juvenile.
The wolf lunged at the hedgehog to eat him. The hedgehog
rolled up into a little ball. All his spikes were standing up, and the wolf
could not eat him.
The wolf found a big rock and smashed the hedgehog flat.
He flipped the hedghog over with a stick and dined on Hedgehog Tartar de
Smash.
Just because he was a mean-assed son of a bitch doesn't
mean he wasn't clever.
One More Story
There was once a wolf. His name, as far as wolves have
names, was Grrrrrrulff-mmmrrrrrgrrr. In wolf this meant
"Grrrrrrulff-mmmrrrrrgrrr". Wolves don't go in for no fancy-schmancy descriptive
names. He liked to be called River. He embraced a vegan life style. He would
help little lost kids find their way home. He was kind and understanding.
He was a dork.
None of the other wolves liked him. He was too flaky. The
villagers didn't trust him. They figured he was up to something.
One day the woodcutter got all liquored up and hunted down
poor River. He, the woodcutter, chopped him, River, up into bits. River should
have just been his wolfy self.
Posted 8/13/01