Mother Goose Revisited
by Rue DeDay
Beeswax Bedlam
Jack be nimble,
The Importance Of Looking Where You Sit
Little Miss Muffett
Little Miss Muffett
Laughter Is The Music Of The Soul
Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
Who Is That Guy?
Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
Time Is Cruel
Hickory dickory dock.
It Beats Being Dutch
Little Jack Horner
With Chickens You Get Eggs
Baa baa black sheep,
I'm a sheep,
Your Tax Dollars At Work
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
The Projects were tough.
Most of the kids were OK, though.
Chap Stick Anyone?
Georgie Porgie, puddin' and pie,
Infirmaries Abound
Three blind mice,
It's Just A Story, Don't Take It Personally
"Wee Willie" Winkie
Kids. What Can You Do?
Jack and Jill
Whatever Happened to Mutton Jeff?
Mary had a little lamb.
Posted 8/13/01
Jack be quick.
Get your ass over here
and move this candle!
It's burning the crap
out of my nipples!
Sat on a Tuffett,
And her eyes got really wide.
Said to Sir Tuffett
"What the hell kinda girl do you think I am?
Put that thing away and zip up!
Sheesh! Some people!
Do you ever wash that thing?
Maybe you should look into that."
A jolly old soul was he.
He'd laugh to himself with drool on his chin,
Because he was really just an old nutter.
Had a wife
And some other chicks were digging him too.
This made Peter's head swell,
But he tried to keep things under control.
I'm glad I'm not Peter.
A mouse ran up the clock.
She got her tail stuck in a gear,
And when the clock struck,
It yanked her ass clean off.
Hickory dickory dock.
Sat in the corner
Eating his Christmas pie.
He stuck in his thumb
And pulled out a plum
And said "Gee, that worked out better than the Little Dutch Boy.
He stuck his finger in a dike
And she damn near killed him.
I got a plum."
Have you any wool?
What do you expect?
Soy milk coming out of my ears?
Sheep are know for two things,
Wool and mutton,
And we're not going to get started on mutton,
Are we?
No, I didn't think so.
"Have you any wool?"
No, I'm a non-wool sheep.
Moron.
She had so many children she didn't know what to do.
Birth control was out of the question for Religious Reasons,
And she wasn't going to give any of her brats up for adoption.
So, she went on welfare
And moved into Public Housing.
She lost a couple of kids to drugs and gangs.
A few of her kids thought
"This is the life!"
And had a mess o' kids themselves
To continue the cycle.
They stayed in school and worked hard.
There were a few Sports Scholarships,
And one became a doctor.
When she made money, the doctor bought a big house.
Her mother could come visit,
If she called first.
Kissed the girls and got slapped with a restraining order.
There were further court actions taken, too.
See how they run!
They all ran after a farmer's wife,
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife.
She only got their tails because she was all stove up with arthritis.
She was going for their dirty mouse heads.
They got even though.
They bit her in her ass while she was sleeping that night.
Ha ha!
Three blind mice.
Got tired of his nickname.
So he bought a big-assed SUV,
The Ford Continent,
And got into big guns.
He wore gold chains,
And pestered the ladies.
"If I can't have a big tonker,
Then, by Gad,
I'll be one."
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
At lest thet was their story.
They were always running off together
"Fetching" things.
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
And Jill pointed and laughed.
"If you're going to wear that stupid crown all the time
You should at least watch where you're going
So you don't fall down all the time and break it.
There, there... Let me kiss it and make it all better.
Oh, yeah, baby! I'll kiss that too!"
You don't want to know what they did next.
It was poorly prepared and greasy.
Mary didn't enjoy it much.