Oh! Prick Her Finger
by Rue DeDay
Once upon a time there was a princess. Princess Madelyn.
Everyone called her P' Maddy, but that was later. The story starts a few
days after she was born.
There was a Royal We Just Had A Baby And Now We're Showing
Her Off Feast. Everyone was invited. Landowners, Dukes, Judges, Bishops,
pretty much anyone with a title that got capitalized. Not beggars or bakers.
They had lower case titles. These were Not Our Kind, and didn't get invited.
The King and Queen thought this was a good rule of thumb. Capitalized: get
an invite. Lower case: you're on your own. They really didn't stop to think
"witch" was lower case. Oops.
The witch was pissed, getting snubbed like that. It was
not to be stood for. Standed for? "I will not stand for that!" the witch
declared. Whatever is the past tense of that. ("Pissed" by the way, in the
"really, really mad" sense. not "I've been drinking and I've got a snoot-full"
sense.)
She, the witch, showed up anyway. And, boy, was she mad.
She dropped a curse on the head of the baby. It was really a curse that would
hurt the King and Queen. The baby would be fine, no harm done to her at all.
This was no wicked witch, that would harm innocent babies. She was
just an angry witch that was going to show the King and Queen a thing or
two.
"What was the curse?" you ask. Oh, I guess knowing the
curse would help you out. When the Princess turned 16, she would prick her
finger with a needle and would fall asleep for 100 years. Or until the King
and Queen found a Handsome Prince to wake her up. Whatever came first.
She turned 16 and sure as shootin', pricked her finger.
She fell into a deep sleep. She didn't age and the only upkeep she needed
was to be dusted off once a week. The witch didn't want anything bad to happen
to her. She was just making a point.
The King and Queen were frantic. They called all the princes,
handsome or not, they could find to the castle to waken their daughter. No
one could rouse her from her slumber.
After five years they were out of Princes and they'd let
the tradesmen have a crack at it. A plumber named Chuck thought he'd have
a go. He couldn't do worse than the princes, could he?
"I have an idea on how to wake your kid," said Chuck. "But
you'll have to wait outside the bedchamber while I try."
"Can't we watch?" asked the King.
"I'd rather you didn't."
"Just don't do anything... unseemly." warned the Queen.
"Trust me," said Chuck.
So the King and Queen left the room, but they listened
at the door. Who knew what a plumber would try with a sleeping princess?
They heard a zipper, and then what sounded like pants rustling. Then they
heard the sheets of Princess Madelyn's bed being turned down, and some more
rustling. Then they heard what they've been waiting for for five years, their
daughter's voice.
"Eeeeeew! What are you doing? Why are your pants down?
My hand! You have my hand down your... eeeeew! Get away from me you perv!"
And Princess Madelyn came busting through the door, and went to wash her
hand. Chuck followed a little later, still adjusting his clothes.
"Well, she's up," said Chuck.
"Yes. Yes she is," stammered the Queen.
"What did you do in there?" asked the King
"Well," started Chuck. "She pricked her finger and fell
asleep. So I figured to wake her up she'd have to..."
"Enough!" interrupted the Queen "Here's your reward. Now
go."
The King never did figure out what went on. It was probably
just as well. That way we have one story where no one dies.
Posted 8/13/01