Take What You Are Given
by Rue DeDay
Once upon a time there was a Princess. Her name was Evangeline.
Princess Evangeline. She was not happy. She was kind of a bitch. Here she
was, a Princess, and she was not happy. She had everything she'd ever wanted,
and she's a Princess, and still she's not happy. The thing that made her
most unhappy was she had to get married. Not "she had to get married" like
she was fooling around with a boy and no one had the sense to use protection,
and one thing led to another, and now she had to get married. Not like that
at all. Her father, the King (not Elvis), promised her hand (and the rest
of her) in marriage to the son of some other King (again, not Elvis) to prevent
a war or something. This happened all the time to Princesses. And Princes
too, but they got a Princess out of the deal and they were happy. That's
Princes for you. But the Princess, as stated before, was not happy.
"Serving Girl, I am not happy," said Princess Evangeline.
"Why the hell, not? You're a princess for goodness'
sake. Sheesh, you'd think that would count for something," the serving girl
thought. It came out as "Ma'am?"
"I wish I were you, Serving Girl." Princess Evangeline
thought the serving girl's name was Serving Girl. She never really thought
about it. She just said "Serving Girl..." and the serving girl would say
"Ma'am?". So it must be her name. That's another perq of being a Princess.
You don't have to think of other people unless you really want to. The serving
girl's name was really Angelina. She was born on the same day, on the same
hour as Princess Evangeline. "Creepy," you say. Wait there's more, as you'll
see.
"I wish we could trade places, Serving Girl. You could
be a Princess and live my life of toil, and I could lead the care-free life
of a servant. You would be stuck in your place in society, whereas I, as
you, could work my way up to the top of my field." Princess Evangeline did
not stop to think that the top of her field was Queen, and she got there
by marrying a Prince and waiting for the old King and Queen to die. If she
was really lucky, the Prince who became King would die before she would and
then she could rule in her own name. That would be the top of all the fields.
And the hedgerows to boot.
"Yeah, that would be great," Angelina meant to think. Instead
she said it right out loud.
"I thought so too," said Princess Evangeline. "You're about
my size. We could swap clothes, and you could be me, and I could be you,
and everyone gets what they want." What she meant was that she would get
what she wanted, and that's as far as she thought. Princess Evangeline was
not big on thinking. "Here, put on my clothes..."
And the two girls got out of their clothes, and had some
wine to loosen up. Then they gave each other sensual massages. Then they
started kissing... NO! That's not it at all... They just changed clothes.
By themselves. One girl DID NOT help the other. There was no messing around.
This is not that kind of story.
"Why! You look just like me! It's like looking in the mirror.
This goes against everything we know about genetics!" exclaimed Princess
Evangeline.
"No, it doesn't," said Angelina. "This is the Dark Ages.
We don't know anything about genetics. We don't even know yet what makes
tall pea plants tall and short pea plants short. We think stupid things like
"Everyone has a double.", "The Divine Right of Kings", "The Earth is flat"
and "The Devil is always out to get you." This is just a coincidence."
"Oh. OK."
Princess Evangeline, who is now just Evangeline, went off
to enjoy the care-free life as a servant. She got thirsty, and when no one
brought her wine, she got a drink of water. She contracted cholera and died.
Angelina, who was now Princess Angelina, did a little better.
She got the hang of Princessing, which as far as she could tell was just
being a bitch and demanding her own way. No one noticed anything amiss. She
was jamming on the cushy gig of being Princess Angelina up to the wedding.
Actually it was just a little bit after the wedding, if you know what I mean.
Yeah, she was done in by the Wedding Feast. She ate some bad cheese. How
was she supposed to know it was bad? Cheese is cheese, right? And she was
eating so many new things, being Princess and all, that she lost track of
what should be bad and what just was bad. This was the Dark Ages, remember.
The difference between the lower class and the upper class was that the lower
class ate food gone bad, while the upper class ate food gone bad with extra
spices and sometimes a cream sauce. Princess Angelina ate some bad cheese,
and got a tummy ache.
A regular person with a tummy ache either just lived with
it or died from it. (Still the Dark Ages.) When Royalty got a tummy ache,
they got a doctor to come and let all their blood out, trying to get the
ill humors out. Royalty didn't have the option of living with a tummy ache.
Unless they were smart enough to keep their Royal Yap shut about having a
tummy ache. Then they had a chance.
Since Princess Angelina didn't know all the rules, she
mentioned her tummy ache and a doctor was called. And things were going so
well until the cheese. You thought Princess Angelina was going to become
Wise Queen Angelina, and rule long and well, didn't you? Well she would have,
if the doctor didn't get to her.
The doctor came and bled Princess Angelina until the ill
humor was fully removed. Then, just to be on the safe side, he bled off another
quart or two. Princess Angelina died completely cured of her bad cheese.
Posted 8/13/01