A Girl, Bazoombas, And Rabbits
by Rue DeDay
Once upon a time there was a girl. Her name was Debbalina.
She was a beautiful girl. Blonde ringlets cascading down her back, a short
blue dress with a tight bodice, white stockings on her long legs and black
patent leather shoes. While black patent leather shoes will reflect
up, there's no chance of Debbalina's shoes reflecting her panties for all
to see. If you know what I mean. If you don't, ask around, someone will explain
it to you. Debbalina also had big, round bazoombas. You wouldn't believe
a girl could have such big bazoombas. Everywhere she went people would stare
and say "Now there is a girl with big bazoombas."
Her uncle got her the bazoombas one time when he was travelling
in West Africa. He met a Village Witch, and told her he needed a magic amulet
to keep his niece safe. A lucky charm of some kind.
"Oh, you want a bazoomba" the Witch said. "Very lucky to
have a bazoomba."
"If one bazoomba is lucky, give me two. Those big, round
ones." said Debbalina's uncle. "This girl needs all the luck she can get."
Debbalina needed luck because she wasn't so bright. Say
the average person is as bright as a candle. That's pretty good. If the power
goes out you can get around with a candle. It's pretty bright. Not unbelievably
bright, but then most people you meet are not going to be unbelievably bright.
Debbalina was about as bright as a candle. Under a bushel basket. At the
bottom of a well. Covered with rocks. That a badger peed on.
"Now just hold on!" you cry. "Just because a girl is blonde
and beautiful doesn't mean she's stupid. That's just a stereotype."
Yeah? So? Stereotypes live on because there's always someone
around who you can point to and say "Yup, that stereotype is true." Debbalina
was keeping the dumb blonde stereotype alive. Sad, but true.
Debbalina had a hobby. "That's good," you say. "A hobby
will keep her out of trouble." Not really. Debbalina chased rabbits. Not
like most kids. "Ha ha! There's a rabbit. I shall chase it. Oops it got away.
What shall I do now?" She'd chase them to catch them. Debbalina was not quite
right.
One day she was chasing a rabbit and followed it right
down its hole. She went tumbling down the rabbit hole. Down, down, down she
went. When she reached the bottom with a thump she saw a teeny tiny door.
There was no way she'd fit through the door. Heck, her head alone was too
big to fit through the door. What could she do? That's when she spied a plant
stand with a bottle on it. "Man, there sure is good lighting at the bottom
of that rabbit hole." you say. "Shut up." I say.
Debbalina picked up the bottle. It had a note tied to it.
The note said "Drink Me." It looked like a bottle of Mt. Dew, so you'd figure
no one would be foolish enough to drink it. Well, this is Debbalina remember.
"If I drink it, I'll get small enough to fit through the teeny tiny door."
How this even approaches logic, I don't know. Anyway, Debbalina drank the
bottle down in one gulp.
Oooooo... the colors. Debbalina started to hallucinate
like crazy. She thought she was drinking tea out of a croquet ball, served
to her by a dormouse. Then the pain hit. Deep wracking pain. Debbalina's
last moments were of clawing agony. She died.
Since she was at the bottom of a rabbit hole, she wasn't
found for a few weeks. When they did find her body, her mother went crazy
with grief. She was institutionalized for the rest of her life.
So don't do drugs and make your mother crazy.
Posted 8/13/01