How Do You Become a Moderator : Arnold Winkleried
by Fenris
In the Castle Behind the Sky, in a throne made of the skulls of his defeated enemies, the Mysterious Mr. Winkelried waits. And plans. And, above all, watches.
His origins are shrouded in darkness: dark hints abound that a genetic amalgam of Moriarity, Fu Manchu, Lex Luthor, Dr. Doom and Blofeld were combined to make the ultimate evil-genius by a cartel of rumor-mongers and legend spreaders. His mission? To bring down Cecil himself. But the Mysterious Mr. Winkelried was a trifle too smart and realized that nobody could destroy Cecil. Cecil was the smartest man alive and far too well organized. So the Mysterious Mr. Winkelried escaped, destroying the organization behind him, a ghastly trail of bodies a silent testimony to his ruthlessness. He deduced the existance of The Castle, and, finding it empty, took up residence.
Now from his high throne, he watches the Earth, his eyes peering coldly over his steepled fingers, as if the globe were a chessboard. Now and again he whispers a word and a government falls. A gesture and a nation flourishes. But to what end...?
However. the Mysterious Mr. Winkelried is bored. Global Geopolitics are all well and good, but they're the merest of diversions for a man bred to bring down Cecil himself.
There is a twinkling of light. One of the Mysterious Mr. Winkelried's eyebrows raises a fraction. Something...new!
Chronos is fiddling with his watch, Lynn and Tuba alongside him.
"We're lucky we made it in one piece. I've never been anyplace like this before, let alone carrying passengers." Chronos says.
Tuba begins "Mr. Winkelried? I'm Tuba-Diva, and these are my colleagues, Lynn Bodoni and Chronos. We have a proposition to make."
"I've deduced it. I accept."
Lynn smiles "I'd hoped you would."
Chronos asks "What? Huh?"
Patiently, the Mysterious Mr. Winkelried explains "Lynn and Tuba were going to suggest that since I am incapable of destroying Cecil, and since I am bored without a challenge, that I use my talents for good and assist Cecil with his mission. I accepted...assuming that I be given the Comments on Cecil's Column forum. Only working directly with Cecil's topics will provide the challenge I require. I presume that won't be an issue?"
"Of course not." replied Tuba
"Then I shall begin at once"
David B enters. How he got there was a mystery. "This is nonsense!" he cries "Arnold hasn't got 'super powers' " (you can almost hear the quotation marks around the words by David's tone). "He was asked to be a moderator by Tuba and Lynn! That's all!"
There is the merest gesture of Arnold's smallest finger. In a flash of light, David is gone, returned to his home, only his smoking tennis shoes remain (in accordance with Pratchett's Law of Comic Effects).
After packing his few spartan belongings, the Mysterious Mr. Winkelried transports himself and the three remaining people to the Secret SDMB Mod headquarters and there, his work truly begins.
Posted 1/18/01