How Do You Become a Moderator : Chronos
by Fenris
CHRONOS! THE MUSICAL!
or [The Guy, The Gold Watch, and Everything]
Scene:
A busy street in a major metropolitan city. Crowds of extras are walking
briskly. The camera falls on a nebbish-y-looking guy.
Chronos-To-Be <sings>:
I'm just a guy who don't have time
I always show up real late
Even though I'm quite a guy
The food's always cold on my plate...etc.
He tells us in a long solilioquy how he's lost his job and his girl 'cause he's always late for everything.
While wandering, he finds one of those little shops filled with dusty relics that wasn't there the day before and finds a pocket watch. He buys it and soon finds that he can freeze time when he presses a button on the watch. It also turns him into a handsome, dashing man-about-town.
Chronos sings:
This is a real nice timepiece
I'm mighty glad it's mine
Those minutes I'll save
Will make me rave
Now I'll have plenty of time.
Chronos sets out to do GOOD WORKS. Using his magic watch, he stops bank robberies, rescues people from the path of drunk drivers and guides newbies to the proper forums in those moments of frozen time.
However, late in the second act, Chronos gets into a heated arguement (read: bar-bet) over that third word that ends in "gry", Chronos uses the watch for personal gain. He freezes time to run to the library. He searches through the OED, while time is frozen. As he's going back to the bar, time slowly starts again. Chronos realizes the watch is LOST.
Chronos sings:
The Watch is Gone! How wrong!
Now, how will I get along?
My temp'ral powers have flown!
I really feel so sad
That bar-bet was so bad
Now I am all Aaaaa-loooone!
As he approaches the bar, he realizes that there's a building on fire. A little girl screams from the top floor! If only he had the watch! Oh well, it's a risk he must take! He rushes into the building and time freezes! He rescues the little girl.
Chronos sings:
Little Gold Clock
Boy, how you rock
I res-cued that kid
Little Gold Clock
Boy, how you rock
I saved her, I did!
Just then, even though time is frozen, two women dressed in glittery, futuristic outfits appear.
Bo-Doni: Chronos! I am Bo-Doni of Cecil's Temporal Rangers! You have used your time-powers wisely. Will you join our crusade to stamp out ignorance? We could use your mastery of time in the General Questions forum!
Chronos <sadly>: I'd love to but I can't. I've...lost the watch! <does a double-take> But then...how did I save that girl?
Two-Bah(the other time-patrolwoman, also in glittery spandex)
<sings>:
Chronos my dear,
Never you fear
You've done really well
You must see it's true
The power's in you
And we! think! that! you're! swell!
Chronos <surprised>
The Power's in me?
Well golly-gee
That makes my heart throb.
My powers of time
Will make the world fine!
I! Will! Take! Your! Job!
<big crescendo with lasers and smoke generating machines and flashing lights and, inexplicably, roller-skates. Standing ovations for all!>
<Curtain>
(Note that Chronos's origin follows the classical musical formula: Boy Meets Magical Watch, Boy Loses Magical Watch, Boy Gets Magical Watch)
Posted 1/17/01