How Do You Become a Moderator : DavidB
by Fenris
<classy, Dick Cavett-esque set. Fenris, no accounting for taste, is wearing a cravat>
Fenris: So tell me David B How did you become a moderator?
David B: There was a call for volunteers. I applied, Lynn picked me, I accepted.
Fenris: But...we've recently heard rumors of para-dimensional creatures in beer cans and dark, Northern rituals.
David B:<sniffs derisively>: That stuff? Hah. That's what they peddle to the masses. Coldie and Uncle Beer applied and were picked, same as me. You don't believe that stuff about mutant capybaras and cauldrons do you?
<dramatic pause>
David B <stands, pointing his index finger at Fenris's face>: As a matter of fact, Mr. Fenris If that is your real name, I accuse you of spreading ignorance by creating these obvious origin hoaxes. We applied, Lynn or Tuba picked, we accepted. It's the same for all of us! You're about to be reported to Snopes and the Skeptical Enquirer!
Fenris <archly>: Really, David. If that's true, then how do you explain this?
<Fenris gestures and Uncle Beer flies in, cape fluttering, boldly wearing his underwear on the outside>
David B <a bit smugly>: Wires.
<Uncle Beer lifts a piano>
David B <slightly less smugly>: More wires. Occam's Razor!
Fenris: Or this?
<Coldfire appears, in a puff of sulpherous smoke, holding a pitchfork. Something about Coldfire's shadow doesn't seem...right...somehow. For one, shadows don't normally have red glowing eyes. For another, Coldfire's shadow has rather more tentacles than is normally associated with Coldfire.>
David B: More trickery. Really, guys, I expected better of you. An application, a response from one of the admins. Acceptance. What more do I need to say?
<Coldfire and Uncle Beer look at each other, nod, and as one, drag David B. off stage right. A scream rings out. Moments later, the three of them return.>
Coldfire: Well, David, you have something to say to the nice people?
David B <in an oddly stilted voice and glazed expression on his face>:Yes. Our. Investiture. As. Mods. Involved. Many. Dark. And. Unspeakable. Rituals. Sacrifices. To. Cecil. Also. Mutants. Or. Space. Demons. Thank. You.
<applause from studio audience>
<curtain>
Posted 1/16/01