How Do You Become a Moderator : Coldfire
by Fenris
The Scene: The darkest night in the hinterlands of Ultima-Thule
Dramatis Personae:
Coldfire, a world-weary Doper
Lynn Bodini, TubaDiva: Evil Succubi, who make the SDMB function, thus better
to steal our time and souls
Cecil (played by a Halogen spotlight off stage left): All that is good and
true. He doesn't do anything in the play, but is a presence that is felt
throughout.
Curtain Rises
Coldfire (muses): Sigh, I am world-weary. I have over 5000 posts to my name, and yet...I am unfulfilled. Alas.
Looking off into the northern wastes (stage right):
Coldfire: But what is this?
He walks over, sees a cauldron
Coldfire: A cauldron! In the northern wastes! How Odd!
Reaching into his backpack, he pulls out a box of Godiva chocolates.
Coldfire: I thought these would be good but I'm not in the mood. I'll just
throw them into the cauldron. Littering is wrong.
He does. A tremendous explosion rings out. Lynn and Tuba appear.
Tuba: Who is this who has summoned us?
Coldfire (unconcerned, but still world-weary): Hi Tuba! It's just me.
Lynn: You have invoked us with the powers of Dark Chocolate! What would you
have of us?
Coldfire: I dunno. It was kind of an accident.
Tuba: Accident!? You have summoned us frivolously? You must pay!
Lynn and Tuba huddle together for a moment.
A spotlight strikes Coldfire, enveloping him in a reddish nimbus of light.
Tuba: For your worthy posts, we spare you from eternal torment, but you must still be punished for your frivolous summoning of us!
Lynn (cackles madly): Therefore, henceforth, you shall be a MODERATOR! Pit threads will be started about you! Trolls shall hound you. Newbies will whine when you move their posts to the right forum! Now use your powers well, or we'll make you an Administrator!
Tuba and Lynn vanish in a puff of smoke
Coldfire falls to the ground on his knees, spreads his arms and throws his head back as he cries out in anguish.
Coldfire: NNNNOOoooooOooooOoOO!
Curtain
Posted 1/15/01